Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Trauma at the Vet

I guess my title is a bit  much.  Trauma probably isn't quite the right word, but then you weren't the one experiencing what I went though recently, were you???  I had to go the vet for my yearly shots and check-up.  Our regular vet, Dr. Stoneback, is undergoing chemo for colon cancer.  We pray for him every day and have really missed him at the practice this summer.  This was my first time meeting his substitute, Dr. Justin.  I sat like my usual good girl self in the waiting room until it was my turn. 

For some reason, when Mommy stood,  I thought it was time to leave and high-tailed it to the door.  When I realized she wasn't heading to the exit, I began balking at the idea of meeting a new male doctor. Mommy said she has never seen me resist and pull back on the leash like that.  She was a little surprised.  I heard her tell Dr. Justin that it takes me a while to warm up to men sometimes.  [sigh]  I don't know why that is.  It took me a while to bond with Daddy too, but now we are tight.  We go together like salt and pepper, like peanut butter and jelly, like a hunter and his dawg in a blind.

Once I got over my fear of the examining room I was happy to let Dr. Justin get down on the floor and check me out.  (Yes, this IS the same room I have seen before, but that doesn't count with a  different doctor in my opinion).  Dr. Justin was very kind.  He looked at my eyes and ears, felt around my body, listened to my heart and lungs, and judged me to be "Great!"  Well, duh.  I could have told him that without all the touchy-feely stuff.  But I should have known a trip to the vet wasn't going to be that easy.

The doctor then began clipping my nails.  Sing with me now: You put your left foot in, you put your right foot in, you put your hind foot in, and he clips a little much!  You do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around.  That's 'cause it hurt so bad!  The poor doctor is fairly young and he was so apologetic to Mommy.  Seriously?  Where was my apology?  Mommy truly thought it was no big deal; these things just happen.  She tells me I was a bit of a drama queen.  Is that what she thinks when her doctor causes her pain????   

Next up: shots!  I had to have one in each hip.  Every time I felt the stick, I threw my head around to let Dr. Justin know that I knew what he doing back there.  This was not going well at all.  Little did I know the worst was yet to come . . .

Mommy had noticed I'd been doing the "boot, scoot, boogie" lately, so she asked for him to express my anal sacs.  My what????  No, say it ain't so!  But yes, much to my discomfort, he did.  Poor me.  I apparently had been having problems longer than either of us realized because Dr. Justin said I was slightly impacted on one side.  It was seriously painful to take care of this situation.  We had to call in the assistant to help hold me still.  I just kept looking at Mommy begging her to help me.  She just kept looking at me and telling me it as going to be all right.  Yeh, right.  Easy for her to say.

I came home and told Daddy all about it.  The first thing I said to him was, "Do you know what she let them do to me?"  He laughed a little because it reminded him of the time when he was young and had to have his tonsils removed.  He had to have his temperature taken "down there" and was quite shocked that his mom the nurse had allowed the other nurses to do that to him.  He got a bowl of ice cream out of the deal.  I only got a really short toe nail, two shots in the rear, and an invasive procedure.

Perhaps the most embarrassing part of the day was that after taking care of my hiney, a special deodorizer was sprayed back there to try to help with the nasty smells that came out of me.  When I arrived home, my siblings thought we should play follow the leader.  Hunter and Dixie tagged along behind me sniffing me as thoroughly as they could with me on the move.  So this whole experience leaves me with just one question: Where's my bowl of ice cream?? 

[sigh]  [drool] 

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